Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Getting Older and Not Necessarily Wiser

So I turned 37 last month, and I've gotta say, this one feels like a doozy. Part of it is that I seem to have forgotten turning 36 a little. I mean, I intellectually knew it, but I realized when I thought of my age, I thought of myself as still 35 sort of. How does time fly so fast?

Somehow when I had Wiggle at 33, it didn't really occur to me that I might have a one-year-old at 37, or that if we decide to have third that I could have another one-year-old at 39 or 40. That seems old to have a toddler; scratch that, it doesn't seem old, it feels old.

This feeling has been compounded by the fact that the whole family got the flu a few weeks ago. Well, everyone except me, I just got a cold. And then last week, I pulled a muscle in my back. All things that make a person feel a little older.

Also, Wiggle turned four and Buster turned one. Your babies getting older definitely makes you feel older.

This is not to say that I don't like getting older. I feel more grounded as I get older. My marriage feels better, more secure. I feel more like I want to be, like I want our family to be.

Most everything about getting older feels good except the actual physical act of getting older. That parts sucks a little.

Now the wiser part. I also thought that as I aged, got married, had children, that I would feel, I don't know, more mature, more with it, more together. But I don't feel any of those things, for the most part.

I still feel like I can't manage to get my towels in the hamper, my bowls in the dishwasher, pictures on the wall. All that sort of adult stuff.

Even this blog. I keep thinking about recommitting to writing posts regularly. I even spend time in the car, on walks, while loading the dishwasher, composing posts in my head, but trying to translate that effort into actually writing the posts just doesn't happen. I am so much more prolific in my head. And you wouldn't believe my wit. I'm a regular Dorothy Parker in there.

So I'm not going to say I'm going to write more, and I'm not going to chastise myself for having laundry spill onto the floor. I'm just going to try to enjoy 37, both what the year has to offer and what I have to offer it. It's gonna be a good one, I think.