Saturday, May 7, 2011

M.A.S.H. Game

Nothing much has been going on, except some major house hunting. Although we've been looking for a little bit, the thought of actually taking on a mortgage has been stop-me-dead-in-my-tracks scary. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that people would see a house for a few minutes and then agree to buy it without ever getting to spend real time in it, talk to the previous owners, interrogate the neighbors, etc. It just seems like such a risk, and I don't really like risks. But then I fell in love with a house and the whole thing seems completely normal, the natural next step. In point of fact, the chances of us getting this house are pretty small for a number of reasons, but that's ok. I will learn to love again; the thing that changed was that I am now able to see myself in the houses I look at, whereas before I could only see the house itself, sometimes that was a good thing, but since no house is perfect, generally it was a hindrance to ever being able to decide on a particular house. I know it's a common first-time buyer mistake, but I kept thinking the perfect house would come along. Not perfect meaning without blemishes, but seeing every blemish as a beauty mark instead of a potential carcinoma. Now I think I'm ready to accept a house, warts and all. Of course, it'd be nice if I could find my warty house within the next few weeks, so we don't have to renew our lease at all, but if we don't, we don't. There's time.

Also, I've been having a little bit of an identity crisis lately. Not shockingly, being a housewife and full-time mother isn't always the most fulfilling job. Overall, it's still what I want to be doing now, but I need to remember how to be interesting.  I need to be more stimulated, but I've been feeling too frenetic lately to delve into anything. It's ok most of the time, but occasionally when I'm talking to people who don't have kids, I feel like we can't really have anything in common. I know that's not true, but so much of my day is kid-centered, and then even non-kid things are now colored by having kids. My priorities are always going to be different than someone without kids because my priorities are always going to involve Wiggle. He may not be number one all of the time, but he will always rank, and he can always trump anything else if needed. It's also hard to explain what you do during the day to someone else. Some days are actually busy, but most days a trip to the grocery store can either be a crowning achievement or the dismal dark nadir that colors the rest of the day. I need more balance, I guess.

All I can say is, I'm working on it.

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