Monday, February 21, 2011

Coming Out of Hibernation

I still haven't felt like writing lately. I have felt the beginnings of a number of posts, but can't seem to sit down and do the actual writing. Truly, I haven't been able to sit down and follow through on a lot of things lately. By nature, I am a researcher, or maybe a better description is an investigator. I like to find things, especially things that are hard to find. What this means in my daily life is that I get sidetracked a lot. A simple task like putting toys away leads to finding every puzzle's missing piece (and ignoring the many cars littering the living room), which leads to an internet search for the next size-up of puzzle for Wiggle to tackle, which leads to a search for vintage wooden puzzles on ebay, which leads to me being mentally tapped, Wiggle being frustrated, and the house still being a mess. Most of my family has ADD and would probably categorize me as ADD too, but I think my frenetic-ness is more about having a lot of bad habits and little self-control than a brain-wiring issue. What I do know is that I would like to spend more time living in the immediate present. I want to stop thinking about what I will do when I next have free-time, or when I go to the grocery store, or when I'm cleaning - I just want to do when it is time to do. Unfortunately, this will mean some advance planning which I have a hard time controlling, but I think I am going to take some of the advice I have given C and use a timer, so that I can't spend endless hours derailing. I have a strong desire to feel calmer, at peace, instead of the frustrated ball of pent of energy that I generally am.

We had some really wonderful sunny and warm weather this weekend, and it felt fantastic to be outside in the sun and feel the warm air. Tonight I walked to campus to a coffee shop and it was raining a little, but in a pleasant, gentle way, and the air just smelled amazing. I always love the smell of rain, but in Chicago, I now realize how much cement I could smell, the rain here smelled so much sweeter, fuller. And I can see stars from my back porch, actual constellations, not just a random star that has burned through all of the pollution to shine. I mean, I know there is still pollution and cement here, but compared to Chicago, it feels like being in the country. Maybe I just need to spend more time taking "the cure, " nineteenth-century style, taking long walks and sitting out on a deck in a lounge chair with a blanket tucked around me up to my neck. Some hot springs would be nice too.

It is my intention to post more frequently, but I have to figure out some balance between trying to write more and just doing some kind of rudimentary updates about our lives.

Just know, I haven't forgotten and I'm working on it; I promise.


  1. You just described me. How scary for you.

  2. I had to laugh at your puzzle progression. I think we must be a lot alike. Good luck finding a posting groove-- I was hoping that came naturally after a while... guess not. ;)